Not too bad for the first week of picks: 7-6-1 against the spread; 10-4 straight-up. Unfortunately, most of the games on this week’s schedule look worse than Nick Nolte after a week in Tijuana. What’s the over-under on ESPN’s ratings for the Sunday night game between San Francisco and Chicago?

Giants at Vikings (-6.5)

Oh, to be a fly on the wall after the Giants got waxed by the Lions last week. Ex-Marine Tom Coughlin probably had his squad running combat drills through the swamps of Jersey this week. Vikings 35, Giants 21.

Ravens at Eagles (-7.5)

One of only three watchable games this weekend, both teams will be without key players. Both defenses are good, but Philadelphia’s offense is a different league than Baltimore’s. Eagles 17, Ravens 10.

Packers at Redskins (+1.5)

If you believe in that kind of thing, the winner of this game dictates who will win Tuesday’s presidential election. Kerry (Packers) 23, Bush (Redskins) 16.

Jaguars at Texans (-1)

The cardiac kids did it again last week, beating Indianapolis in the last 45 seconds. A win keeps Jacksonville ahead of Indy in the AFC South. Jaguars 21, Texans 20.

Cardinals at Bills (-3)

Drew Bledsoe should call Dick Clark and get the inside scoop on that Dorian Gray situation. Cardinals 20, Bills 9.

Lions at Cowboys (-3)

Naming my fantasy team “Cowboys Suck” turned out to be more than just personal animosity. Lions 24, Dallas 20.

Bengals at Titans (-3)

In the words of Waylon Jennings: “I’ll be a star tomorrow, but today I’m a Nashville bum.” Bengals 21, Titans 17.

Colts at Chiefs (+1)

This one has shoot-out written all over it. At least they’ll score more points than Iowa and Penn State last weekend. Colts 37, Chiefs 31.

Falcons at Broncos (-7)

A rematch of Super Bowl XXXIII, except that probably none of the same players are involved. The score should be about the same, though. Broncos 28, Falcons 13.

Carolina at Seahawks (-8)

The Seahawks have been laying eggs all over the league. Wait a minute… “I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am the walrus (Holmgren). Goo goo g’joob.” It all makes sense now. Seahawks 20, Panthers 14.

Patriots at Steelers (+3)

Will this be the week the Patriots 21-game winning streak comes to an end? These things tend not to happen when you most expect them. Patriots 17, Steelers 14.

Raiders at Chargers (-6)

How’d you like to be a weatherman in San Diego, pulling down six-figures to tell people it’s going to be 75 and sunny? Chargers 24, Raiders 21.

49ers at Bears (-1.5)

I wouldn’t know Bears QB Craig Krenzel from… eh, never mind. 49ers 20, Bears 13.

Dolphins at Jets (-6.5)

These two teams have provided some classic Monday night match-ups. Too bad these aren’t the same classic teams. Jets 27, Dolphins 20.

Well, the Boston Red Sox ended 86 years of cursed futility last night, winning the World Series in a four-game sweep of the suddenly hapless St. Louis Cardinals.

There has been much moaning, wailing, and gnashing of teeth in Red Sox Nation during those 86 years, a time in which Boston’s other three professional sports franchises combined to win 23 championships – 16 NBA titles, 5 Stanley Cups, and 2 Super Bowls.

Not to mention that Chicago has been waiting longer for both of its baseball teams to the win the World Series again – the White Sox last won in 1917 and the Cubs in 1908.

So here is a heartfelt message to Bostonians everywhere from all long-suffering sports fans, especially those in the two most championship-deprived cities — Cleveland and Philadelphia: Please shut the hell up now.

Thank you.

And congratulations to the Red Sox for pulling off the greatest comeback in sports history and winning eight straight games against two 100-win teams to capture the ALCS and World Series.

Potent Noteables:

Last night’s McCarverism (and mercifully the last until next season): The fastball is the only pitch you locate. Paraphrasing: “When the pitcher is shaking off a lot of signs from the catcher, you know it’s a fastball because the fastball is the only pitch you locate.” Nothing about that sentence is correct. You can’t see it, but I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.

What happened to Al Leiter? Someone check the trunk of McCarver’s car.

Does a curse have to be set in motion by one party to another? If so, why would Babe Ruth have put a curse on the Red Sox? Getting sold to the Yankees was the best thing that ever happened to him. Suddenly this curse, which I always interpreted as just a mysterious entity surrounding the franchise because of its Ruthian blunder, is now being attributed to the Babe directly. I don’t get it.

Tony LaRussa’s World Series record: 5-12. He’s the only manager ever to get swept in two World Series (also the only one to get swept in two different leagues and with two different teams).

The Eagles passed their first real gut-check of the season, playing down to the Browns’ level but pulling out a 34-31 overtime victory.

The Eagles seemed determined to shoot themselves in the foot time again with penalties (some deserved, some not) and dumb play calling. Twice in overtime the Eagles faced third-and-short situations and chose to go for it all with two deep passes that fell incomplete, the last of which forced David Akers to make a 50-yard field goal into the wind coming off Lake Erie to win the game.

But the game never would have gone to overtime had Brian Dawkins not been flagged for roughing the passer on a play where the official apparently mistook him for Neo from The Matrix. Dawkins jumped in the air to try and deflect Garcia’s pass and, unable to stop in mid-air and change directions, he landed against Garcia who did a better job of acting than Keanu Reeves and fell mightily to the ground. That horrible call kept Cleveland’s drive alive and led to the tying touchdown.

But perhaps the worst part of yesterday’s game was the potential loss of Brian Westbrook to a chest contusion. Hopefully it’s not too serious, because if he’s out for an extended period of time, that could really hurt the offense.

Yes, it’s week 7, and I just now decided to start picking games. As any smart gambler would in today’s parity-rich NFL, I’ve let a quarter of the season go by to separate the wheat from the chaff. Now that I’ve got a good feel for who stinks and who doesn’t, I’m sure I’ll start by going 3-11.

Let the picks commence.

Rams at Dolphins (+6)

Miami’s defense is good, but they’ll need another tropical storm to blow in if they hope to give their pitiful offense a chance to keep pace with the Rams. Actually, if it didn’t help against the Steelers, it’s not going to help here either. The Dolphins aren’t getting off the schnide this week. Rams 24, Dolphins 13.

Titans at Vikings (-6.5)



Injuries are the key in this game for both teams. The Vikings could be without Randy Moss and the Titans without RB Chris Brown. Either way, the Titans will have a hard time keeping pace, but they’ll do their best. Vikings 35, Titans 30.

Lions at Giants (-6.5)

While better than last year, the Lions still are not good. Their running game looks like it runs on diesel, and with rookie WR Roy Williams’ out with a bad ankle last week, they couldn’t muster anything against a lousy Green Bay defense. The 4-1 Giants will eventually prove themselves as frauds, but not this week. Giants 26, Lions 14.

Bears at Buccaneers (-7)

I wouldn’t know Bears QB Jonathan Quinn from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Bucs 20, Bears 10.

Chargers at Carolina (-3)

I don’t understand this line at all. Carolina looked awful last week against the Eagles, and San Diego, while mediocre, has too many weapons (OK, one – LaDainian Tomlinson) to botch this up. Too bad the Chargers won’t be wearing their throwback powder blue jerseys – the best uniform in pro sports. Chargers 33, Carolina 17.

Bills at Ravens (-5.5)

This will be the first of two games for Baltimore without 2,000-yard rusher Jamal Lewis. It won’t matter this week; but it will next week when they go to Philadelphia. Ravens 13, Bills 3.

Eagles at Browns (+7)

With all the focus on the Terrell Owens/Jeff Garcia feud, this could be classic trouble game for the Eagles. Still, they’ve been winning every week by double digits – no reason it should stop here. Eagles 31, Browns 13.

Jaguars at Colts (-8.5)

Indianapolis has already beaten Jacksonville earlier this season 24-17, and the result should be similar this week, especially since this game is being played on Indy’s home ‘turf.’ Colts 28, Jaguars 20.

Falcons at Chiefs (-3.5)

Michael Vick finally came alive last week, and facing a porous Kansas City defense should keep him going this week. But Arrowhead Stadium is a hostile environment for visitors, and the Chiefs are desperate for another win before Indianapolis comes to town. Chiefs 27, Falcons 24.

Jets at Patriots (-6)

This is the marquee match-up of week 7 as both teams come in at 5-0. But New England has the home field, a much better defense, and can feed off the vibe coming from the Red Sox. Or choke on it. No, feed on it. Patriots 24, Jets 20.

Seahawks at Cardinals (+6.5)

This game stinks worse than the inside Bill Bidwell’s wallet, which hasn’t been opened since he became sole owner of the Cardinals in 1972. Arizona could smell blood from a reeling Seattle team that isn’t as good as it thought it was. Cardinals 21, Seahawks 20.

Cowboys at Packers (-3.5)

The Packers’ defense is terrible, but the Cowboys’ offense may be worse. Fortunately, the weather shouldn’t bring back any Ice Bowl memories for Vinny Testaverde, who was the backup QB that day in 1967. Packers 27, Cowboys 20.

Saints at Raiders (-3)

Do I have to pick this one? Just thinking about this game is like being forced to finish all your vegetables when you were a kid – or maybe tonight. Saints 30, Raiders 24.

Broncos at Bengals (+6)

The last time Cincinnati hosted a Monday night game, George Bush was in the White House. No, the other one. The way he’s going, Mike Shanahan could probably get 1,000 yards out of Barbara Bush. Broncos 34, Bengals 15.

So I’m watching the end of the Yankees/Red Sox game last night with the Red Sox leading 4-2. Keith Foulke walks Hideki Matsui to lead off the bottom of the ninth inning, and the following statement leaks from the mouth of Fox analyst Tim McCarver through my television speakers: “A home run. That’s as good as a home run.”

I turn to the GF who, amazingly enough, also has a confused look on her face. I ask her skeptically, “The score is still 4-2, right? Not 4-3?”

She confirms that it is, and I wondered why McCarver would utter such a foolish and irresponsible statement on national television. Is he unfamiliar with the double play, or the dozen or so other ways that runner could be rendered inconsequential in the course of an inning?

Then I remembered that McCarver is a jackass who has been spewing these kinds of patently incorrect baseball observations for years as Fox’s lead analyst.

As Joe Buck and Al Leiter sit in incredulous silence after the comment, I scream at the television (and inadvertently at the GF) that I can’t believe this guy is still employed as a baseball analyst, much less working the most-watched series of the year.

But he wasn’t done. Two batters later, McCarver followed up that gem by commenting that the walk to Matsui has taken away the ability of Foulke to pitch inside.

I let off another stream of profanities about how this is also incorrect while the GF (who doesn’t understand this particular nuance of the game) simultaneously laughs at me and tells me to calm down. Foulke then proceeds to set up Posada by pitching him outside, then busting him in with a fastball which he pops up for the second out of the inning.

After walking another batter (which in McCarver’s book should have tied the score at 4-4), Foulke strikes out Clark to end the game. Final score: 4-2 – right where it was when the inning started.

There was also another score in that inning: Me 2, Tim McCarver 0.

What the hell happened to this guy? McCarver made a career as the personal catcher to Steve Carlton, one of the five greatest left-handed pitchers of all-time, so he must have known something about baseball at some point. My father says he was a better analyst once upon a time. I can’t recall it.

The networks have all made us accustomed to analysts who aggravate by stating the obvious and adding little or no insight to a broadcast. But McCarver passed that point and plunged into broadcasting oblivion a long time ago.

When Daryl Johnston, for instance, makes one of his many gaffes during Sunday football telecasts, it’s usually related to some kind of linguistic problem, not due to a lack of football acumen.

Not only does McCarver have the usual former jock-turned-analyst trouble with words, he adds senility and ignorance to the mix (he called Bronson Arroyo “Brandon” several times the other night and had him pitching against Pedro Martinez in Game 3).

Can’t Fox just put him out of our misery? The Mets cut him loose as their color analyst for a reason. Fox would be smart to do the same.