Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Written and Directed by George Lucas
Starring Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson, Jimmy Smits, Frank Oz (voice), Christopher Lee

Synopsis
As the Clone Wars drag on, Sith Lord and Supreme Chancellor Palpatine continues to pit both sides against the other in his bid to become emperor and destroy the Jedi; but he needs help to complete his plan, and an extremely powerful and immature Jedi named Anakin Skywalker could make the perfect apprentice.

Review
The dialogue, for the most part, is still atrocious, and the acting from anyone without a British accent remains stiff, uninspired or just plain bad. What works in Revenge of the Sith‘s favor, however, is the way it’s more connected to Episodes IV, V & VI (unlike its two predecessors, which essentially amounted to almost five hours of exposition). Episode III is wall-to-wall action; everything that occurs in the film drives straight to a point and that makes for one hell of a ride. Unfortunately, the aforementioned exposition of Episodes I & II, only some of which is crucial to Anakin Skywalker’s character arc, almost derails Episode III, and it made me wonder why Lucas didn’t just make one three-and-a-half hour epic prequel. (Oh, right – the money.)

The problem is this: In order to turn Anakin to the Dark Side, Palpatine preys on his fears of losing Padme, the love of his life. But because their relationship was so poorly constructed, written and acted in the first two films, Anakin’s transformation into Darth Vader becomes more of an intellectual exercise, rather than an emotional one. We understand the motivations, but we don’t feel them. If it weren’t for Ewan McGregor’s powerful performance in the film’s climatic scene (one of the few well-written ones), I might not have “felt” anything at all.

Revenge of the Sith barely works, but that’s enough, and its success can be measured by what I’m going to do next: I think I’ll go watch A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.

Grade: B+

I can’t wait to hear the explanation for this one.

After telling everyone watching or participating in the game last night “I give up” by bringing in Terry Adams when trailing by three runs, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Manager pulled Brett Myers in the bottom of the eighth. He was only pitching a two-hit shutout at the time.

Unless Myers expressly asked to come out of the game (“I got nothin’ left skipper.” Even then, I’d be tempted to reply, “get your ass back out there and finish what you started.”), there is absolutely no excuse for pulling a pitcher who’s throwing a two-hit shut out in favor of a bullpen that has proven time and time again that it can’t get anyone out. And they didn’t – at least not before surrendering two runs.

There are no words in the English language for how mind-bogglingly stupid this was.

The only good news is that Billy Wagner awaits.

Update: So much for Wagner. Could this be the game that finally buries this wretched team?

Final Update (possibly for a long while): Stick a fork in them; they’re done.

Yesterday the GF and I drove up to Baltimore and watched the Phillies (circa 1997) put on a show every bit as tasteless as anything John Waters, Charm City’s most famous auteur, ever produced.

The Phillies seemed baffled by O’s lefty Erik Bedard and home plate umpire Mike Winters (but mostly Bedard), striking out 11 times. According to my scorebook, six of them were on called third strikes. That’s nothing short of pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic, that brings us to one Terry Adams, whose ERA blew well past 12.00 last night. Looks like Ed Wade, Cletus & Co. have a similar predicament to Tim Worrell here, though I doubt Adams will provide them the same escape clause.

I watched today’s rubber game from my couch while fighting off a cold and saw the Phils’ alter egos tee off on fat-boy Sidney Ponson and win 7-2 on some timely hitting and a complete game from Cory Lidle. What a difference a day makes.

The good news: the Phillies are 4-2 halfway through this tough 12-game stretch.

The bad news: they’re still three games under .500 and 5½ games behind the Marlins, against whom they start a three-game set tomorrow.

A couple of wins over the next three days and they’re somehow still in this thing. A couple of losses and they’ll find themselves in Atlanta at least 7½ games back.

It seems clear the last week of May is a make or break one for the Phillies.

Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Directed by Ridley Scott
Starring Orlando Bloom, Eva Green, Liam Neeson, Jeremy Irons, David Thewlis, Brendan Gleeson, Edward Norton

Synopsis
The bastard son of a French lord journeys to the Holy Land between the Second and Third Crusades to assume control of his father’s lands and his role in protecting the fragile peace between Christians and Muslims.

Review
If there is a Kingdom of Heaven, it is certainly a place of magnitude beyond the comprehension of any mortal man. So is the politically and racially charged situation in the Middle East, specifically the Holy Land that includes and surrounds the city of Jerusalem. It was a lot to absorb 1,000 years ago, it’s a lot to absorb today, and Kingdom of Heaven‘s attempt to superimpose today’s predicament over the wars of the Crusades fails desperately. It’s tough enough to make one historical epic compelling, much less two at the same time, and the ill-advised task is simply too overwhelming for Ridley Scott. Characters come and go with little rhyme or reason, and the moral of the story ends up boiling down to the simplistic knight’s code of always telling the truth and defending the helpless. To start the third act the film’s hero, Balian (Orlando Bloom is no leading man, by the way), makes a long-winded speech to his troops that could actually be summed up with the phrase, “Why can’t we all just get along?” That hardly does today’s or yesterday’s history justice. Despite it’s exhilarating battle scenes and exemplary recreation of 12th century Jerusalem, Kingdom of Heaven simply has too much going on for it’s own good.

Grade: C+

After a self-imposed sabbatical from the Phillies this weekend, I resurfaced to find that Marlon Byrd had been traded to the Nationals for a faster, less-talented version of himself and the team still seven games back in the NL East after splitting a four-game set with the terrible Reds.

Guess I didn’t miss much.

From what I’ve been reading, the players and their manager seem to look around the clubhouse at all the talent and scratch their heads as to how they could be playing so badly. “Don’t worry, we’ll get it going,” seems to be the general consensus. That sounds like a familiar refrain.

Maybe they should hang a calendar somewhere in that clubhouse to remind them they don’t have all the time in the world to get it going, because now the Phils get three at home with the Cardinals before embarking on a nine-game road trip through Baltimore, Miami and Atlanta. By Memorial Day, the Phillies will likely be so far out of first, they’ll need the Hubble Telescope to see the Braves.

What else is there to say?