These calls for Bobby Abreu to lead-off because his OBP is always around .400 have to stop. It’s simply wrong.

Abreu is the prototypical No. 3 hitter. He hits for average and power and has some speed. You cannot put an average of 69 extra-base hits a season (and a career slugging percentage over .500) at the top of the order. That would be throwing away at least 40 RBI every season, probably much more with the dregs at the bottom of the Phillies order.

Perhaps a better idea would be to send Rollins to the plate for a week with instructions not to swing the bat under any circumstances. Maybe after he walks at least once a game, he’ll start to understand the advantage a strike zone the size of a postage stamp gives him.

I’ve been off the grid for the last several days—my future mother-in-law was in town to participate in some wedding planning activities and the whole process has the fiancée and I a bit exasperated.

Speaking of exasperated, that might be a good way to describe the Phillies lately. It’s something of a small miracle they’re only four games behind the Mets. Especially after games like last night.

That has to be one of the worst managed games any of us has ever seen. I don’t even know where to begin. Yes, I do—begin… and end. Alpha and Omega. The following is a list of the Phillies’ available relievers and the number of pitches they threw in last night’s sixteen inning game:

• Fultz, 6
• Geary, 3
• Rhodes, 7
• Franklin, 21
• Madson, 105
• Gordon, 0

That would be three pitchers throwing 16 pitches.

Do you think if I asked Manuel, “Who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?” he’d know the answer? The Incas could have managed a better game, and they never invented the wheel.

Not to beat a dead horse, but Jim Leyland’s Detroit Tigers have the best record in baseball.

To top it all off with a nice bow, Cole Hamels, the one thing we have to look forward to every fifth day, may be gone indefinitely after hearing a pop in his shoulder while throwing long-toss.

I’m so tired of this. Wake me when Charlie Manuel is gone.

It’s been a wild couple of days for the Phillies—their winning streak ended with a clunk, Aaron Rowand may have launched another win streak by leaving his nose all over the centerfield fence at the Safe Deposit Box and the first homegrown Phillies phenom pitcher since Robin Roberts in 1948 made his debut last night—and I haven’t been able to write about any of it thanks to the latest superbug my fiancée passed on.

Hamels walked five, but we’ll chalk that up to the cold, wet conditions and an understandable case of nerves. He also struck out seven, including Ken Griffey Jr. twice, painting the outside corner and usuing his devastating change-up to seal the deal. A one-hit shutout for five innings—not a bad debut.

Now for today’s edition of Why’d you do it, Charlie?

Nursing a 2-0 lead with the bases loaded in the top of the sixth inning, two outs and the pitcher’s spot due up, Charlie decided to pull Hamels and try to break the game wide open. We’ll overlook his questionable decision not to leave Hamels in for at least another inning and focus instead on his choice of pinch hitter. If you’re going to go for the jugular, isn’t that why David Delucci was acquired, for left-handed power off the bench?

Charlie chose Abraham Nunez, who struck out, which Hamels could have done just as easily. Could Delucci have struck out, too? Sure. But he’s got a better chance of clearing the bases than Nunez does.

The Phillies broke the game open in the ninth inning instead and closed the gap with the Mets to two games. But I fear it’s those kinds of decisions that will keep the Phillies one or two games out of a playoff spot this year.

Just a few rants to pass the time on a hot Tuesday night in Dallas as I watch Tom “Flash! Aaah-Aaah!” Gordon blow his first save of the year.

*****

After listening to Joe Morgon Sunday night add his voice to the chorus of Barry Bonds defenders who point out that Babe Ruth guzzled his fair share of beer and other adult beverages during prohibition, let’s review two key distinctions between Bonds’ steroid use and Ruth’s drinking:

1) The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution reads as follows: After one year from the ratification of this article the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited. In other words, it was not illegal to drink alcoholic beverages.

2) Alcohol is NOT A PERFROMANCE ENHANCING SUBSTANCE.

If anything, the fact that Ruth was out carousing every night makes his 714 home runs even more impressive.

*****

Billy Wagner says he was never a fan favorite in Philadelphia and that fans were on him from day one because they still wanted Jose Mesa. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so preposterous in all my life. Phillies fans would have cheered all 5’6″, 150 lbs. of me and my 60 m.p.h. fastball as a replacement for Mesa. I’d rather have back that kidney stone I had last summer than Jose Mesa.

As I recall, from day one all the Philly fans cheered him with vigor every time he hit 100 m.p.h. First Jayson Blair, now Billy Wagner. I guess a new gig in New York just entitles you to starting making stuff up.

*****

Phils Update: A swinging bunt by Abreu brings home the game winner in the bottom of the ninth on a throwing error by pitcher Aaron Heilman (I didn’t see the replay, but live it looked like Abreu might have beaten a good throw anyway and maybe deserves a hit). Heilman never should have been in the game in the first place. Why wasn’t Billy Wagner ready to pitch to the left-handed heavy heart of the Phillies order? Only Willie Randolph knows for sure.

Not the most dramatic way to win a ball game, but the win streak advances to nine straight nonetheless.

Break ‘em up! The Phillies have launched a winning streak none of us thought they were capable of (seven straight) and crawled above .500. The bad news: They’re still five games behind the Mets.

The San Francisco Giants, Barry Bonds and the media circus that follows him have come to town as he had a chance to pass Babe Ruth at the Safe Deposit Box. The Phils have kept him out of the bleachers so far.

There’s a lot of anger, frustration, incredulity and ignominy surrounding Bonds right now, and the fans have been letting him hear all about it this weekend, and rightly so. Bonds is a cheat, and because he’s approaching one of the game’s most hallowed players (and because he’s the only super star still playing who used steroids), he’s getting the brunt of all the pent up outrage from this scandal.

Fans are frustrated because there’s nothing punitive that can be done to Bonds and his fellow charlatans. He can’t be suspended or banned because there’s no proof under Major League Baseball’s improving, but still laughable, drug testing policy that he took anything. Putting an asterisk on his or anyone else’s records seems weak. Keeping some of them out of the Hall of Fame (which the baseball writers might do on their first few ballots) is questionable because of how complicit everyone has been in this whole thing, from the owners and the commissioner to the media and the fans themselves. Everyone wanted to see home runs, and we all turned a blind eye.

I think I’ve got a way to make everyone happy. I propose a new wing be added to the Hall of Fame: The Hall of Shame. It would be filled with players who, statistically speaking, are Hall of Famers, but whose dubious, extracurricular baseball-related activities stained their otherwise prestigious careers.

The opening class for this special wing of the Hall of Fame: Joe Jackson, Mark McGwire and Pete Rose. And once they’re eligible for the Hall, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa can join them. No doubt other players will find their way in there over time, and there are probably a few players like Gaylord Perry who could be transferred from the main hall to the new wing.

With so many great players leaving such a sour taste in our mouths over the last several years, is there any better solution than to collect their careers in one place that recognizes their greatness and their disgrace all at the same time?

By the way, how good do Ken Griffey, Jr. and Alex Rodriguez’s home runs look right about now?